Again there could be several alternative titles – the first year without the orchestra, the first year (again) without the language rule, but the first one would be too similar to the 1998 title and with the second one I can’t just say ‘the first year without the language rule’ since they’d abandoned it before. Anyway, we’re in Jerusalem, and for the first time we have three presenters. There were 23 competing countries, with the usual mass swap-out due to the relegation system: no Finland, Greece, Hungary, FYR Macedonia, Romania, Slovakia or Switzerland, but returns from Austria, Bosnia & Herzegovina, Denmark, Iceland and Latvia.
The hosting was, on the whole, pretty professional, but omg the postcards absolutely sucked. It’s bad enough to have random biblical shit shoved down your throat (wtf does the bible (or the torah) have to do with Eurovision?), but the pseudo-funny take on them often actively made me angry. Picturing David and Bathsheba as a ‘haha, he’s a peeping Tom’ story and totally ignoring the fact that David deliberately got her husband killed? Picturing the pursuing Egyptians in the red sea as having inflatables to save them? Also, the ‘funny’ ‘skits’ that they segued into were just genuinely not funny.
There were no nil pointers this year, but some got very close. I should also give a massive disclaimer here (when do I not?) and say that pretty much every rank between um, third and about twenty-first? are pretty much interchangeable. There were a few songs that I liked and a few songs that I actively disliked, but the bulk of the middle was a mixture of ‘ouch this is a little off-key’ and ‘this isn’t too bad to listen to but I’ll forget it as soon as it stops’. The theme of the year appeared to be black and/or silver outfits.
1. Lithuania – Strazdas – Aisté – Contest ranking: 20th – My ranking: 21st
Aisté wears an outfit that looks like it’s three sizes too small, which isn’t a good look really. She’s got a decent voice and the song is vaguely interesting, but it’s too waily for me, with those endless long waaaaah hooooooh haaaaaaah notes.
2. Belgium – Like the Wind – Vanessa Chinitor – Contest ranking: 12th – My ranking: 1st
Now this is actually beautiful. Lovely esoteric music which rather reminds me of Enya in all the right ways. The singing is pretty quiet (possibly due to the sound quality of the YouTube video I picked) and it took me a good minute to even figure out that they were singing in English, but I really like this a lot.
3. Spain – No Quiero Escuchar – Lydia – Contest ranking: 23rd – My ranking: 22nd
Poor Lydia only scored one point, but I can’t say I disagree really. I remember that hideous stick-of-rock dress from last time, but there ain’t no magic in the world that can help me remember the actual song. It’s a boring ballad and it does absolutely nothing for me.
4. Croatia – Marija Magdalena – Doris – Contest ranking: 4th – My ranking: 5th
Nice drapey dress, nice driving beat and I sort of like this, though I’m not convinced that the name Magdalena needs to have the last syllable drawn out to ten full seconds. That said, as far as waily wahahaaaa songs go, I much prefer this over Lithuania.
5. United Kingdom – Say it Again – Precious – Contest ranking: 12th – My ranking: 21st
This is a pretty dull pop song that just about manages to stay in tune by the skin of its teeth. Oh wait, I know what this is – it’s a very second-rate Spice Girls with a very second-rate Spice Girls reject song. Basically, this is what you’d get if all the Spice Girls were Victoria Beckham. It’s pretty shit.
6. Slovenia – For a Thousand Years – Darja Švajger – Contest ranking: 11th – My ranking: 15th
This is a ballad, but it’s not half bad for being that – pretty decent music. She’s very quiet, but again I don’t know whether that’s the quality of the video or whether she just hasn’t got the power. I do recall that there were apparently sound issues that night, so it could be that. Anyway, I wouldn’t voluntarily listen to this again, but it’s palatable.
7. Turkey – Dön Artık – Tuba Önal & Grup Mistik – Contest ranking: 16th – My ranking: 2nd
I’m beginning to realise that my absolute favourite Eurovision genre is ethno-bops, because I’m pretty sure that my entire all-time top ten is nothing but ethno-bops. It should therefore be no surprise that this ethno-bop effort from Turkey is right up my street. It’s not brilliant, and the sound is even more off than in the previous song, but I’ve listened to the studio version and it slaps. I love the main singer’s outfit too – it’s the costume version of a modern ethno-bop. Okay, overall it’s not even close to being as good as Dinle, but I stick to my assessment that Dinle is the best song of nineties Eurovision, or at least the second half of nineties Eurovision, so that’s a pretty high bar to try and reach.
8. Norway – Living my Life Without You – Van Eijk – Contest ranking: 14th – My ranking: 19th
Man, this guy sounds just as almost-off-key as the UK, and if they were a shitty Spice Girls, then this is a shitty Backstreet Boys (yes, I know he’s on his own) with a shitty Backstreet Boys reject song. I can listen to this, but it ain’t great.
9. Denmark – This Time I Mean It – Trine Jepsen & Michael Teschl – Contest ranking: 8th – My ranking: 14th
And here’s another shitty Backstreet Boys, or maybe Take That – I really can’t tell them apart, because they all sound the same to me. Radio-friendly easy-listening shit that goes in one ear and out the other. The one thing I’ll give them is that they don’t almost sound off-key.
10. France – Je Veux Donner ma Voix – Nayah – Contest ranking: 19th – My ranking: 18th
This is a fairly standard French effort – strong voice singing something chanson-like – and it started off decent enough, even if it’s not my thing. I was prepared to stick this somewhere in the high middle ranking, but then I got to the second half of the song and she starts doing all sorts of dubious vocal shenanigans, ending in a painful high note, so 18th it is.
11. Netherlands – One Good Reason – Marlayne – Contest ranking: 8th – My ranking: 6th
A shitty anglified spelling of Marleen and a shitty outfit from someone who couldn’t decide between trousers and skirt, so ended up giving her both. The song, however, is decent enough, and again sounds like a quintessential nineties Dutch Eurovision song without me being able to pinpoint what makes it sound like that. It’s better than the various boyband/girlband rejects, but I still wouldn’t voluntarily listen to this again.
12. Poland – Przytul Mnie Mocno – Mietek Szcześniak – Contest ranking: 18th – My ranking: 17th
A slow, ultra-dull ballad in another black outfit. Yawn.
13. Iceland – All Out of Luck – Selma – Contest ranking: 2nd – My ranking: 10th
I struggle to understand why this came second, because it’s yet another totally middle of the road pop song. It’s more like the Dutch song than the rejects, but I still find it very forgettable.
14. Cyprus – Tha’ne Erotas – Marlain – Contest ranking: 22nd – My ranking: 13th
Hey, another Marlene-with-odd-spelling, I only just noticed that. The song starts off as a ballad, then turns into driving Eurodance, but neither speaks to me much and Marlain is another singer who’s on the verge of being off-key. Not entirely terrible, but certainly not great either.
15. Sweden – Take Me to Your Heaven – Charlotte Nilsson – Contest ranking: 1st – My ranking: 4th
This totally sounds like an updated version of Waterloo, so in that sense I can understand why this won, but it’s definitely not my winner. It’s upbeat and all that, but it’s emblematic of Sweden’s penchant for sending polished but soulless pop songs. Easy listening taken to its extreme.
16. Portugal – Como Tudo Começou – Rui Bandeira – Contest ranking: 21st – My ranking: 11th
More MOR easy-listening forgettable pop, from a guy with freakishly light eyes. Sorry, but super-light eyes always freak me out.
17. Ireland – When You Need Me – The Mullans – Contest ranking: 17th – My ranking: 16th
Oh hey, a ballad. We’ve never heard one of those from Ireland before…
18. Austria – Reflection – Bobbie Singer – Contest ranking: 10th – My ranking: 9th
More MOR poppy stuff, ever so slightly better than other recent efforts but still totally forgettable, and too repetitive near the end.
19. Israel – Happy Birthday – Eden – Contest ranking: 5th – My ranking: 12th
Cheesy Eurodance with a cheesy dance routine. Upbeat enough, but I got bored with this stuff about five songs ago, if not earlier. They look like they’re having fun at least…
20. Malta – Believe ‘n Peace – Times Three – Contest ranking: 15th – My ranking: 8th
The ladies’ outfitters seem to have chosen baking foil for the costumes, which is a terrible, terrible decision. They might actually take the Barbara Dex award away from Spain for this one. The song is more Eurodance, which means it’s not quite as boring to listen to as twelve million ballads, but not by much. These ladies do have some harmonies among the baking foil, so they get a slightly higher rank for that.
21. Germany – Journey to Jerusalem – Kudüs’e Seyahat – Sürpriz – Contest ranking: 3rd – My ranking: 7th
This year Germany chose to sound more ethnic than the host country, and to shamelessly appeal to the hosts with their title. It seems to have worked, given their final ranking, and it’s actually not a bad effort, even if it feels like they’re trying a little too hard. Still, I think I might actually be able to hum this tomorrow morning, which is more than I can say for most of the other songs tonight.
22. Bosnia & Herzegovina – Putnici – Dino & Béatrice – Contest ranking: 7th – My ranking: 23rd
What the hell is this? Ethno-rap? With French verb conjugations of être and avoir? Look, you can’t just go ‘hey, we want this to sound French, so let’s use all the French we learnt in our first year at school’. Honestly, this is like Foux du Fa Fa but more crap and without the humour.
23. Estonia – Diamond of Night – Evelin Samuel & Camille – Contest ranking: 6th – My ranking: 3rd
This has a decent tinkling harp and a beat that’s just unusual enough to keep things interesting. Not the worst entry to end the night on.
Okay, so this definitely isn’t a great year, but it’s a lot better than 1998. For starters, there are two songs that I actually like, which is more than I could say for 1998, and I have a much higher tolerance for Eurodance than Cookiefonster has, in that it’s just forgettable rather than boring me to tears. The interval was also pretty decent – good music and the dancing was entertaining enough.
My list of winners:
- Luxembourg – 4 (1956, 1965, 1972, 1973)
- Belgium – 2 (1957, 1999)
- Italy – 2 (1958, 1964)
- United Kingdom – 4 (1959, 1961, 1967, 1981)
- Monaco – 1 (1960)
- Netherlands – 5 (1962, 1969, 1971, 1975, 1998)
- Denmark – 1 (1963)
- Norway – 4 (1966, 1985, 1993, 1995)
- Spain – 2 (1968, 1990)
- France – 5 (1970, 1976, 1977, 1991, 1992)
- Sweden – 1 (1974)
- Israel – 3 (1978, 1987, 1988)
- Germany – 2 (1979, 1982)
- Ireland – 3 (1980, 1994, 1996)
- Yugoslavia – 1 (1983)
- Turkey – 2 (1984, 1997)
- Cyprus – 1 (1986)
- Finland – 1 (1989)
Actual winners that I agree with: 19 out of 44.
Theft and Sorcery 
Sadly I can’t give a long comment on this post, because most of this year has been erased from my memory—shame considering I was born this year. I’ll say a few things anyway. For one thing, I always forget about the Turkish entries between “Dinle” and “Every Way That I Can” and they’re pretty good but all not as great as either of their two hits. These entries do have a bit of a fan following so it makes sense you’d pick Turkey for 1999.
Fun fact: as I realized when making that list in my 2010 review, 1999 is in the middle of a five-year streak of Irish ballads. Dear god, no other country would send ballads FIVE YEARS IN A ROW. Did Ireland learn NOTHING from Eimear Quinn?!
Also note that for me, the real name of Germany’s entry is “Reise nach Jerusalem”; other multilingual names are too much of a mouthful.
I actually picked Belgium, Turkey is my number two. 😉
As for the German title, I see where you’re coming from, but I always use the title as it’s listed on the Wikipedia entry for that year, so unfortunately I’m stuck with this double monstrosity. Got to stick to my principles!
And Ireland… Well, I’ve pretty much resigned myself to never liking their entries with only two notable exceptions (one in the past, one in the future). I can discuss that more when I get to my planned series of posts about which countries I like best in Eurovision, with statistics to back it up. I’m not a data analyst for nothing!
Ooh, you’re into making statistics too? I’m excited to see how your rankings stack up!